tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18823852448218274102024-03-04T20:20:49.453-08:00Weightloss fight from Morbidly Obese to Just Overweight!A weight loss journey moving from a BMI of over 40 to (hopefully) under 30!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-76777375820947150252011-08-03T08:55:00.000-07:002011-08-03T08:59:12.440-07:00So hard not to cheat!I cheated the day before yesterday. It was a seriously long day at work and my demon talked me into getting chipotle on the way home. To make it worse my boyfriend (who never goes out to eat) wanted to take me to dinner to celebrate our 6 month anniversary. I ate so much that day that I tried to throw it up! But of course I couldn't and just felt like crap after trying!<br /><br />Anyway, yesterday I got back on the wagon and am planning on sticking to the diet hands down from now on until its over. 36 more days! I think I can do it!<br /><br />I didn't get a chance to weigh this morning and now fresh from the shower my hair is too wet. Ill weigh later though!<br /><br />Have a great hump day everyone!<br /><br />~Cheers!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-65261193428324675712011-07-31T17:21:00.000-07:002011-07-31T17:24:47.578-07:00New tastes :)So, I have to eat so many meats and veggies every day, no excuses! Today I tried three new things...here are my reviews:<br /><br />Tilapia - TERRIBLE! I will try it again in a couple of months when I can use more stuff (like butter) to make it better, but for first impression...NASTY!<br /><br />Cucumbers - OK. I cut off the skin and cut them in to 'pennies' and tried them with season salt, pepper, and lemon juice. I really like each slice with one drop of lemon on it. I think cucumbers taste like green melon, however I havent had a green melon in like 15 years.<br /><br />Asparagus - Pretty darn GOOD! I cant wait to try these with butter, but with lemon juice, salt and pepper they were not too bad!<br /><br />Gotta go! <br />~Cheers!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-8230993101541266252011-07-31T10:44:00.000-07:002011-07-31T11:07:09.871-07:00HGC diet?So! I know I am a sporadic poster! I have started the HCG diet. I am on day 5 (day 3 of the second phase).<br /><br />The way the HCG diet works is the first two days you 'Load' I was very skeptical about this, as you are supposed to eat as much FAT as you can. And since I have been on a pretty strict 1200 calories (or less) diet pretty much for the last year I was really not looking forward to having to eat that much! But, alas, I figured its only two days...might as well follow the directions to the 'T' as I have MANY friends that had great success with the diet over all.<br /><br />After you load the first two days then you go on a VLC (very low calorie) diet. This diet is 500 calories a day. Scary huh! Well the way the hormones work is that you are actually getting your energy from fat stored in your body so you don't need to eat the calories daily to fuel your body. <br /><br />The drops that I have also have an appetite suppressor in them. The suppressor is another hormone made in the thyroid. It really works and I am not hungry at all!! I miss the taste of food, but my body is not hungry one bit. As a matter of fact I am having problems eating all the food every day!<br /><br />So, here is the VLC diet:<br />2 portions of meat (3.5 oz each): chicken breast, veal, lean steak, or 95/5 ground beef.<br />2 portions of fruits (1 cup each): grapefruit, strawberries, apples, or oranges.<br />2 portions of veggies (2 cups each): Cucumber, radishes, onions, tomatoes, and other NASTY VEGGIES (only like 7 to chose from).<br />2 portions of bread (1 each): Melba toast or grissinni bread sticks (these are like the size of your pinkie).<br /><br />You can NOT combine any of the foods (like make a salad out of various veggies), but you can eat one portion of each (meat, veggie, bread, and fruit) as one meal.<br /><br />You can NOT eat the same item twice in a row. Like you cant have chicken for lunch and dinner the same day, or dinner one day and lunch the next. The same for veggies and fruit.<br /><br />I have decided to add in bananas 2x a week, even though it is out of the diet, because the potassium helps with my RLS (restless leg syndrome), I think.<br /><br />You can NOT have any dressings, oils, nothing. And only 1tbs of milk a day. You MAY have the juice of 1 lemon daily for dressings or added flavor. And you can have any spices you want!<br /><br />So far, on day three, I am having no problems except for the aforementioned not eating ENOUGH! which is my problem alot of the time.<br /><br />The draw backs of this diet is you lose so much so quick that MOST people just put the weight right back on in about 6 weeks after stopping. But I feel that since I have had a major lifestyle change in the last year and have been able to maintain all my weight loss for so long that I have a better chance than most to keep it off.<br /><br />Let me just add in here how I am taking my HGC. I am doing the drops that I got from a local nutrition supplement store. They emailed me the whole protocol book and I paid $40 for the drops with added appetite suppressant. They recommend that I take 30 drops a day, 10 drops 3x a day. But after much reading online I found that it is better to take double the dose of drops because they are not as good at getting in your system as the shots and that people have more success when they take them multiple times a day. So I take 60 drops a day, 12 drops 5x a day. Every 3 hours I take 12 drops. It really keeps my appetite down, so that is what I feel that I need. The bottle that I bought is a 2 month supply (at 30 drops per day), but it will only last me 1 month because I have doubled the dose.<br /><br />The office challenge is still going on! We have exactly one month till weigh ins! <br /><br />OMG! I didn't say! I am now at a new LOW! This morning I weighed in at 222lbs! That is 55lbs dropped from last August! Remember, I didn't diet the whole year, just a few months at a time and then maintained for a few months, and then started losing again :)<br /><br />I am still living with Tony, my new boyfriend and things are going very well for us :) Last night we went to a sexy party and I wore the killer heals (really they KILLED ME!) and a negligee that showed my booty. It looked so good on, and MULTIPLE people complimented me on how good I was looking :)<br /><br />Im done babbling now! :) I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a great week!<br /><br />~~Cheers!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-61376089130988391072011-07-17T08:51:00.001-07:002011-07-17T08:59:04.843-07:00Keep on Truckin'Ok, been hard to stay on the wagon with food! I have been walking more than a mile (at over 3.5mph) 3 or more times per week. BUT food is soooo hard to stay away from! I am trying to cook more at home. My boyfriend really likes that part :) But driving home from work its just like there is a devil on my shoulder telling me that I should eat fast food because I deserve it and it will taste sooooo good! Its a horrible feeling. The addiction that I have for food scares me, how can something like this actually control my mind?<br /><br />I got a new work out game today for the Wii. Its called EA Sports, more workouts. I just did it for the first time this morning. 32 min step aerobics, 252 calories burned, and I was sweating like nobody's business! It felt good to work out, and programs that are mostly leg workouts (like step programs) are easy for me because my legs are so strong and it boots my self esteem when I can do them well. I will defiantly use this game at least 3 times a week (hopefully more like 5) and I defiantly think it was work the $15 off amazon (new btw :) )<br /><br />I started my period today, so I am hoping that a lot of my eating out this past week was just PMS eating, and I KNOW that the next two - three weeks will be easier, because my body will belong to me and not my hormones now :)<br /><br />So far I would rate myself like this (1 = terrible, 10 = terrific):<br />Working out: 6<br />Eating out: 2<br />Cooking: 5<br />Calorie intake: 6<br /><br />Hopefully next week I can make those numbers closer to 10 :)<br /><br />Have a great week everyone!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-51947172048757423422011-07-07T22:30:00.001-07:002011-07-07T23:07:01.680-07:00Where have I been!!WOW! It has been a long time since I have posted here! I am still fighting my obesity and it is a HARD struggle!<br /><br />I have a new boy-friend (though I can hardly call him a boy) and we have just moved in together. His name is Tony and he is pretty much amazing! He is 17 years older than me and that is a bit odd, but he is soooo childish that I am still the boss in the relationship! I love him and he puts up with me and my dogs and I guess that is what matters!<br /><br />I have also gotten a new job :) I love my job, but it is very frustrating at times. I am for sure under-paid and under-appreciated, but now days...who isn't?<br /><br />OK, OK, on with the weight loss! I am 226 pounds today. I am in an office challenge to see who (in our office) can lose the most weight in 2 months. So I would like to drop 20 pounds before Aug 31st. The buy in for the challenge is $20 and the winner gets the whole pot, which is $140. That is 140 reasons to stay on the FREAKING WAGON! Too bad I am struggling so hard with my food addiction lately.<br /><br />My will power has seemed to have gone out the window. I have the best intentions, but I am CRAVING foods...well not really food-S just one food...Chipotle. For those of you who don't know, its a fast food chain, like subway but Mexican food. It is amazing! No, its more than amazing...its FREAKING INCREDIBLE!! My new place (with Tony) is within walking distance to the restaurant and I literally have eaten it while he was at work and hidden the bags from him. That is a serious problem! I had just finished dinner with him this evening and he left for work and I was checking the garage to make sure he was gone so I could go get some...I wasn't even hungry! I didn't go! I looked up some stuff on the net and tried to gain some will power and insight to my own eating dysfunction.<br /><br />I have been researching hypnosis to deter me away from bad foods and make me want to eat better, but everything I have read has said its a crock :( I have also been looking at Lap Band, but I know I probably wouldn't qualify and I would have to sign up for health insurance at my work and it would cost hundreds every month just to see if I could get it. There are no easy answers to this challenge that we face every day. I try to take it one step at a time, but in the beginning I was losing weight every day or every other day, and its not coming off that fast anymore. I am an instant gratification kind of person and its alot harder this time around!!<br /><br />Now I did drop 40 pounds from last August until January (when I officially fell off the wagon). I know I can do it! 40 more would be wonderful, but I would really be happy being under 200 and just over weight and not obese anymore.<br /><br />I am back on my old regimen. I am eating less than 1300 calories a day, eating as soon as I wake up and trying to eat constantly through out the day, small, high-protine snacks. And not eating late at night. I am doing good until I get home from work, then its on like donkey-kong! I work so hard and such long hours I feel like I deserve a reward for working so hard and constantly talk myself into Chipotle for a reward. Blech! <br /><br />At work its easy though. The hardest thing is eating enough! I take my lunch every day and that goes great. I log what I eat. Heck, my co-worker and I walk one mile every day around our building to get extra steps on our pedometers! <br /><br />I have to do better at home. AND I need to work out at home!! I brought my wii fit to my boyfriends house so that I can work out, but I have been seriously slacking!! I don't get up in enough time to have nooky with hunny and work out! And after working 12 hour days I need 8 hours of sleep!<br /><br />Ok, enough excuses! I will be updating everything on this page, including my countdown and goals. My first major goal is still to get under 200!! <br /><br />Cheers everyone, here is to a happy and healthy Friday!!<br /><br />Here is a picture of me and Tony at his birthday party June 15th.<br /><a href="http://s47.photobucket.com/albums/f180/Kup96/?action=view&current=Birthdayparty.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f180/Kup96/Birthdayparty.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-29683284983008005162011-03-03T14:46:00.000-08:002011-03-03T16:03:07.213-08:00Its been so long! Much has changed!So, I went almost 2 whole months with out losing a pound, but I didn't gain either. I fell off the wagon right after new years (I know, most people jump on the wagon at that time!). But its OK now, I needed the break and I'm back, with the last 30 pounds to go. Not gaining weight during those two months was a relief, I was so scared to get on the scale because I knew I hadn't been doing all I could do and I was worried that I was putting weight on! But, I digress, I didn't put on any weight :) And now I'm back on track.<br /><br />I bought a Wii with the Wii Fit package a week ago, and can happily say that I have been using it every day, and every day I have been losing weight again :) I am at a new low...228 pounds!! Only 8 pounds till my next goal and my next reward! I am so excited to be under 220! And I am so excited to start tanning again! I know a lot of people are against tanning, but I spend a LOT of time outdoors in the summer and having a good base tan keeps me from getting burned, and I have eczema on my face and arms and it goes away when I tan. Please do not post comments on how bad tanning is, because I wont listen :) /end rant!<br /><br />Anyway, I try to burn 250 calories per the Wii fit every day now :) And it gives me a huge sense of achievement when I do this. I cant wait to get the stepper attachment to make the step aerobics more of a work out!<br /><br />Oh, so since I last posted A LOT has happened!!! I have moved from San Diego back to Las Vegas, I now live with my mom and 30 year old brother (never thought this would happen again). Its a good arrangement, the rent is practical and they don't annoy me too much :) We have 5 dogs in the house, that is the hardest part I think. My mom has one dog, my brother one, and myself, I have three dogs. My cat is in temporary lodging in California until I get my own place this summer. I am currently looking for work as a Phlebotomist, I have a phone interview on Tuesday! The interview is with the company that I really want to work for and if I get it I will be SOO happy!<br /><br />Brandan and I are still going strong, as is our lifestyle :) I have been to a lot of lifestyle parties since being here in Vegas, and been to the best lifestyle club here in town. I am having a blast!<br /><br />I have also been sick for 2 out of the last 5 weeks. I had strep throat 3 weeks ago, and I am just now getting over a sinus infection :( I'm glad to be feeling better and feel that my partying will be able to continue this weekend after a week break to recover. <br /><br />I am happy to be back on track and happy to be blogging again! I hope you are all doing well on your journeys! Best wishes and happy Thursday!!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-71362203603731236702011-01-28T12:37:00.000-08:002011-01-28T12:49:57.341-08:00Quick update!I have lost over 4 total points in my BMI! I am exactly a BMI of 36. I am down to a new low of 237.1 today and very excited to be moving forward (and down as it were) again! I am doing physical activity every day, not really caring if its for a long time or not, as long as I'm sweating then it's ok with me.<br /><br />I have started skating lessons to learn the basics of roller skating and I am happy to say that I am getting more comfortable with my skates on and LOVING it :)<br /><br />I am also getting ready for my move to Las Vegas, which will happen the weekend of the 13th! So this weekend I am having a yard sale to sell everything I own (I HOPE!), so that I only have to take clothes with me.<br /><br />Last week I gave away over 3 HUGE garbage bags full of clothes that were too big for me, it felt great to see them go! I can not wait to get into the boxes of clothes that I used to wear. Clothes that fit me from 180-220.<br /><br />I went out last night and had a really good time, danced, sang, drank...good times were had by all :) Looking forward to a fun Friday night tonight also (God, I love Thursdays and Fridays!)<br /><br />Brandan is wonderful, we have decided that we are going to do gifts for Valentine's Day and I pretty much told him what I wanted and he has no problem telling me what he wants...but Im a smart puppy Owner, I already know what he wants! The gifts are going to be inexpensive but thoughtful, they are both jewlery so we can wear them while we are apart, to always remind us of each other and our lifestyle :)<br /><br />I did break down and get fast food last night, but the messed up thing is that I ended up with a migrane (probably from being drunk and then having enough time to sober up) and couldnt eat hardly any of it! So, lesson learned, I am going to make sure I have ready made salads at the house on nights that I go out so that I can chow down on those as a late night drunk snack :)<br /><br />It's a beautiful Friday here in Southern California, and I hope all of you are having a wonderful day! Cheers!<br /><br />*EDIT*<br />Here is a picture of me last night before I went out:<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn3A-KD-xFj_y_tSLDb76_XAY-41Onp_neLV5ymztsrLOQD1Uf6W1KiRxzeCc6cfR5kyzdyy2XLI3Js9STyAXWi9RIQQmpUKpLBUncdzFb9B7IVgX93jXyPLAaWzLcQxVoZ71jqUTmvBxp/s1600/good.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 238px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567341544293982098" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn3A-KD-xFj_y_tSLDb76_XAY-41Onp_neLV5ymztsrLOQD1Uf6W1KiRxzeCc6cfR5kyzdyy2XLI3Js9STyAXWi9RIQQmpUKpLBUncdzFb9B7IVgX93jXyPLAaWzLcQxVoZ71jqUTmvBxp/s320/good.JPG" /></a>Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-53224205354418356902011-01-21T14:00:00.000-08:002011-01-21T14:14:12.582-08:0010 weeks left (70 days)10 weeks left (70 days). I fell off the damn wagon again (while I was trying to climb back on!) This whole month, while people are working on their new years resolutions, I'm here eating to my hearts content! <strong>Well, no more!</strong> I have 10 weeks exactly till my goal date of April 1st, and I fully plan on being at least 220 with no regrets! <br /><br />So, starting today, I am going to walk, walk, walk. And watch my food intake!<br /><br />Brandan just left, he was here for 4 days. It was really good seeing him in person, online relationships are tricky! He is so young though, and its even more apparent in person. I think I'll keep him for a while yet though :P *Total side note: I had Brandan get a Prince Albert piercing! It was awesome!!!<br /><br />I believe it is time for me to dust off my skates. I am going either tonight or tomorrow to the rink, where I will just skate in circles for a couple of hours to remind my muscles how to act on wheels. Then hopefully I will be more confident to skate on the street, I'm just so damn scared of tripping on rocks or a crack in the pavement and busting my ASS! Well roller derby starts in a month so what better time to get motivated to skate??<br /><br />I received my certification this past week and am now a Certified Plebotomist! I am spending the day today (and all next week) looking for a job in Las Vegas. As soon as I find one, I'm leaving San Diego to go home. I'm pretty excited. One of my best friends from high school and I have reconnected, and I am very much looking forward to spending time with her and getting to know her again. I am also looking forward to spending more time with my family, which are so very important to me.<br /><br />OMG, I almost forgot! I have more metal in my head now! I got an eyebrow ring yesterday! I like it, I think Ill keep it :) Some people say they don't like them, but it's my face. And I will be getting a clear spacer or clear line to wear for work and interviews. I LOVE PIERCINGS! It seems the more weight I lose the more this style of who I really am comes through, I love clothes again! I love getting dressed to go out! I love looking at myself in the mirror! I love me!!!<br /><br />Thank you to all my followers for cheering me on! Those of you with blogs are an inspiration for me! I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, and Happy Friday!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-62845128205238159022011-01-06T13:05:00.000-08:002011-01-06T13:29:04.330-08:00Jan 6th, Day 35 (85 days left)85 days left! I really fell off the wagon for the past week. Being in Vegas is harder than I thought it would be, and I am really distracted by job interviews, family and friends, and ofcourse Brandan! I was actually a bit scared to weigh today. Usually I weigh every day, but I havent weighed in almost a week. <br /><br />Mind you, I have been trying to make smart and healthy eating decisions. I always get the salad, and I have not stopped my water kick. Not one drop of soda or high sugar juice has passed these lips. Last night was the first night since I have been here that I actually had something other than water, and it was 5 cal per serving light Minutemaid.<br /><br />So, I wont keep you waiting :) I am now under a new goal! I am 239.6 as of this morning. It really made me motivated to not loose focus! I am going home to San Diego in the next few days and I know it will be easy there to stay on track. <br /><br />Now that I am under a new goal I will be getting my pedicure (this reward) right before Brandan gets here. Its totally awesome cause I had been hoping to get one before he came, and now I have to because I earned it!! Guess I need to refocus on my goals, because I have not been running and my first running goal is comming up!<br /><br />Brandan is comming to see me on Jan 17th, so I have been counting those days down with ferver. We have been talking about two months now, and we met over the internet. He lives in KY (too far away) and we have plans on jumping the bullet and moving in together. I really like him and even though he is WAY too young for me, he makes me incredibally happy. I just wanted to note that here, so in the future when I reread what I have written I will see that :)<br /><br />April really seems right around the corner to me. 85 days really seems like nothing, especially since the first 35 flew right by me. I have been really busy with figuring out my relocating stuff, moving, new job, new friends, its been pretty exciting and Im lucky enough to be able to do it over the course of a couple months and have lots of time and wiggle room for changes.<br /><br />My mom has been a godsend since my husband left, she has supported me both financially and emotionally. Moving in with her will be ok (as long as its SHORT term) and she will be putting half my agreed upon rent toward my debt with her, so that is a financial burden lifted.<br /><br />So, 85 days to a newer slimmer me, 10 days till I get to touch Brandan, and today is the day that I get to enjoy that I have so much in my life to be thankful for and look forward to. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and dont forget to look on the bright side (or the not as dark side :) )Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-79075574315962915302010-12-27T11:19:00.001-08:002010-12-27T11:19:52.109-08:00Dec 27th, Day 24 (97 days left)97 days left! Under 100 days! Its been a while since I posted, but it's only because I have been with family, not because I have been neglecting my diet! I am at an all new low 242.0!! I have cheated a few times, but nothing too serious and man it was hard to get through my PMS days, I was craving carbs like a CHAMP! I could not stop eating, I was constantly snacking (on healthy stuff though), not satisfied at all for those 3-4 days! I was also fighting with my family, thank god my mom is cool :)<br /><br />So on my 24th day of my diet I have officially lost 11 pounds :) Im still on track to lose 50 pounds by April 1st. I was actually hoping to stay UNDER my goals daily so that I had wiggle room, but instead Im right on track. If I worked out every day, and stopped cheating, then I would definaly be more under goal. But being on goal is a good thing :)<br /><br />So, on the ajenda for life, I am moving to Las Vegas within the next couple months and I am so excited to be comming home to stay! Brandan is planning a trip to come see me, and that excites me more than anything! I am staying in Vegas through New Years, had to choose between a Toga party back home and a house party here in Vegas, Im really happy to be home and cant bare to leave. Hanging with my old friends last night was so much fun, I am really looking forward to comming home and sparking up old connections and making new ones! It will be nice to know that I am here to stay (atleast untill Im done with my undergrad!)!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-91410946070338020572010-12-21T11:30:00.001-08:002010-12-21T11:30:39.505-08:00Dec 21st, Day 18 (101 days left)101 days left! Going to Vegas tonight!<br />At another new low 243.8. Its amazing how good it feels to get on the scale and see a lower number than before. I have compiled a list of all the meals that I eat and made a comprehensive list for grocery shopping when i get to vegas. So there will be all the foods that I can eat in the house!<br /><br />On my way to Vegas, I will be passing through LA and have a guy there that wants to take me out to dinner...dun...dun...dun. This might be a challenge, but I am sure Im up for the test. <br /><br />I only have a few more days till PMS really sets in. Once I get through this cycle and see that I can do it, I wont be so apprehensive about next month...but Im still very nervous.<br /><br />Im so very close to my next goal! SOOO excited!<br /><br />My next post will be from Vegas! Yay!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-18266025286765057582010-12-19T13:10:00.001-08:002010-12-19T13:12:01.096-08:00Dec 19th, Day 16 (103 days left)103 days left....Fell off the wagon hard on my birthday. I drank too much, ate too much, and now Im craving too much! The scale hates me! This is the first time in 16 days that I have been OVER my goal weight for the day (I have a graph that shows me what I need to be under every day to reach my goal in April).<br /><br />I cant believe how I feel right now! I stayed on track yesterday...but I feel like it wasnt good enough. I watched my calories and wrote everything down...but I didnt put them into fitday.com which is what I rely on to stay under my calories for the day.<br /><br />Well, all I can do is say that today I will do better. And I will. I have to go shopping today, as there is NO food in my house. I am leaving for Las Vegas on Tuesday and I am nervous that I will have problems, I find myself trying to make excuses to cheat. I try to talk myself into eating bad! Horrible, I know!<br /><br />Today is going to be better and if Im good today and tomorrow then on tuesday I will have a strong foundation to go on. The problem is that by Friday I will be PMSing. And that is BAD JUJU! I am very afraid how my emotions and body are going to effect my diet.<br /><br />Oh well, here is for a strong today! Hope everyone has a great day!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-49813397936580155472010-12-16T11:43:00.001-08:002010-12-16T11:43:25.805-08:00Dec 15th, Day 13 (106 days left)106 Days left. Im at a new low so far 244.5. It feels good to see the scale change every day and be under my projected weight. If I stay under my projected weight for the next 3 months then I will lose much more than 50 pounds and that is exciting to me. <br /><br />Yesterday, my roommate and I went to Panera Bread, it was really good. I had a cup of chicken noodle soup (80 cal) and half a turkey sandwich (360), my total calories for that meal was 440. I went out drinking last night, ugh. We have monthly meetings at my bar (its a members only place) and this month's was last night. Got pretty toasted, and drank too much. I probably drank over 500 calories last night easy.<br /><br />Tonight is probably another party night, as is tomorrow...because tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY~!! YAY! I will probably go out at 11 tonight and start celebrating my b-day tonight, and then I am having a HUGE party tomorrow :) All I can do is eat right during the day and just let loose at night. I really dont want to have to police myself on my birthday, and lets face it...I have much more self control when it comes to alcohol than I do with food!<br /><br />Brandon continues to drive me insane. I find myself daydreaming about going to see him. I cant stop talking about him and thinking about him. UGH...im making my own self sick with how cheesy it all is! Anyway, I am putting together a plan to go see him around March, what better motivation for everything I am doing now. I have my own motivation, and I started my diet and new lifestyle for me, not anyone else...but this sure is something nice to look forward to!<br /><br />Now Im thinking about next week. I will be headed home to Las Vegas to be with my family for christmas. I am looking forward to maybe hooking up with some old friends while Im there too! I really hope that I can keep my head on strait and not splurge or fall into old habits while Im there. Its pretty casual at my mom's house. I can go shopping and put what ever I want in the fridge and she isnt really the type to want to go out to eat all the time anyway. We will see what happens. I am going to take my computer so I can play video games while I am there and I am going to try to continue my daily blog also.<br /><br />That is all I got for today! Happy Thursday!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-61597294227002028472010-12-15T13:10:00.001-08:002010-12-15T13:10:47.692-08:00Dec 14th, Day 12 (107 days left)107 days left!<br />I added a new hole to my belt today, it got to the point that I could remove my pants (with belt on) with out undoing the belt or buttons or zipper...I wish I had the money to reward myself with some new clothes!! But I have a whole garage full of clothes for when i get close to 200!! YAY!<br /><br />Going shopping today, gotta get some PJs for my party on Friday, and gotta get my eyebrows waxed. I also think that I might get a couple pairs of new panties, and maybe a new bra (we will see). Since my roommate and I are running errands together we are thinking of going to get chipotle, this will be my first dining out experience since I started my diet (12 days ago). I already checked the calorie counter for the place and what I get is less than 500 calories. This is more than a single meal is for me in my diet, but it doesnt seem extream. I am going to practice eating slow and stopping when Im full, no need to keep eating if Im already satisfied. <br /><br />Im kinda bummed that I only lost 1/10th of a pound today. The scale is still moving and that is a good thing, but my goal to be under (or at) 240 by my birthday is not going to happen. Oh well, some battles we win and some we lose. I am not concerned that this will derail my diet. Brandon keeps me well enough motivated anyway. Its very coincidental that his birthday is 15 days before the end of my diet, and that is when we plan to meet. GOD i cant go on a date with someone who isnt even 21!! So we are waiting for him to become an official adult (I feel like a cradle robber!). Would be nice to be under 200 when I meet him for the first time, though I know -truthfully- that he would like me the way I am now, and that is a huge relief. He makes me feel so good about myself and I feel like he is a drug his personality makes me high. Hopefully this little thing we have going on doesnt burn out quick, that is my only fear.<br /><br />Anyway, this isnt a love blog, so Ill stop boring everyone with the details of my cougar-ish trists :)<br /><br />I hope everyone has a wonderful hump day and I am planning on working out after shopping, yay!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-46787780856430508962010-12-14T20:37:00.000-08:002010-12-14T20:38:25.862-08:00Dec 14th, Day 11 (108 days left)108 days left. Weighed in today at 246.6. The scale is dropping and I feel full and satisfied through out the day. I am mid cycle and my emotions are flaring! I really cant wait to get my insurance situation straitened out so I can schedual a therapy session. I feel like my emotions are not normal through out the month. For 2-3 weeks I feel totally in control and great, but then for a week or two I can not control my moods. TV shows make me cry and I get really bitchy, it takes a serious effort to not be rude to the people I care about. I am thinking that a birthcontrol with hormones will be enough to even me out through the month. Right now I am on a non-hormonal form.<br /><br />Anyway, everything else is going great. I have been trying to work out (though today I didnt). I dont beat myself up for failures or set backs, just try to learn from them and move on. I have been having cravings the last two days and I think its from being emotional.<br /><br />Brandan is so wonderful, I am trying to be careful not to become too attached. My mom would tell me to treat him like a 'puppy in the pound' - meaning you cant take him home!! LOL. He is wonderful and makes every day better by just being there for me. Too bad he is soooo young!! <br /><br />Tomorrow I will be shopping for my new PJs for my party on Friday. I will also be getting my eyebrows waxed. It will be nice to have a pamper day, I havent done anything like this for a while. I cant wait to get under 200 pounds so i can use the $100 Victoria Secret gift card that I have :)<br /><br />That is all for today, Ill write more tomorrow. I am ready for the scale to say under 245.9 tomorrow so I can ofically be back to my first goal! Have a great night everyone!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-46070957928749837832010-12-13T10:50:00.000-08:002010-12-13T10:55:16.430-08:00Dec 13th, Day 10 (109 days left)109 Days left (man will it feel good to be under 100 days!)<br />Im a bit discouraged to see the scale move so little in the past few days. Only dropping ounces rather than pounds! But I knew that after the first week the weight would come off a lot slower and I should only be losing 2-3 pounds a week (rather than every couple of days). I was really hoping to be under 240 by Friday. Oh well! I know alot of people think you shouldnt weight every day. But i would rather see a small fluxuation daily (up or down) than to get on the scale once a week and see it had gone UP!<br /><br />I actually have been getting up and doing something for the past two days. On Saturday I walked 1.5 miles with my dogs, and yesterday I played Wii! I love tennis!! It feels good to be active and even though I dont know what Im going to do today, I am looking forward to checking off some sort of activity before sundown :)<br /><br />Im trying to keep my stress low and really focus on letting go of the things i have no control over. Like the fact that I will have to leave my state and move (potentionally across country) soon, but dont know when, the fact that I am waiting for my license in the mail and I cant get a job untill it comes, the fact that my ex-husband is alive...lol. Im trying to remember that everything has a good point (im pretty optimistic anyway), not having a job right now lets me focus on me and my health every second of every day right now, changing states will give me a fresh start (and if i move to Ohio, Brandon will be close enough to kiss :) ), and my ex...well he isnt soo bad, he is trying to do right by me even though he is a doucher for cheating. <br /><br />I am going to have to go grocery shopping today and get more food. I need to brain storm more meals that are less than 400 calories and good for me (that i like) for my dinner meals. Breakfast is super easy for me because fruit and cereal is always on the menue. And lunch really is no more than a snack that I fill with whole grain bread, cheese, or lunch meat. <br /><br />Still very much looking forward to my birthday party on Friday. Dont know if im going to cater it or just not have food. I dont really feel like cooking...so Ill probably just leave it to the booze :P <br /><br />Well that is all for now. Might post more later in the day.Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-70459339688015475402010-12-12T09:36:00.000-08:002010-12-12T09:38:53.231-08:00Dec 12th, Day 9 (110 days left)Well, I did get out and walk a mile and a half yesterday...but it seems it was too little too late. Two nights in a row drinking has thrown a wrench in my plans. I was 245 and dropping, but now I'm 248 :( This is the good thing about weighing every day. I know right away when something is wrong. I did very well yesterday and plan to do just as well today. Maybe I'll bust out the Wii and play some sports. <br /><br />Will has totally weirded me out, and I can say for sure that as flattering as it is that he came all the way from DC to see me, I just dont get the vibe from him. Too bad, he was cute and educated and has NO kids. Oh well, Brandan keeps me pretty well busy anyway, too bad he is only 20 :(<br /><br />I need to get to the store and get more fruit. Ill have to make that a priority today. <br /><br />Hmmm, not really a lot going on here right now. This Friday is my birthday and we are throwing a big party at the bar and its going to be a pajama party, so this week I get to go buy new PJs. I was hoping to be down another 5 pounds by then, instead of up! But we will see how the next couple of days go.<br /><br />I felt like I wanted to cheat yesterday. I was out at the grocery store and I was hungry. The fast food places were smelling good and I kept telling myself "it is just so convienent to eat there, no dishes, good food..." And while I was standing in line for the check out the sodas in the coolers looked too good! I dont even drink soda, and I was like "I bet one of those would taste AMAZING!" I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn't stop the thoughts. UGH! I got out of there and home as quick as possible. Home is where I am the most comfortable! But these pizza hut commercials are starting to get to me!! Good thing I dont watch much TV or I might break down!<br /><br />I feel good today though, and every day that I do well is more motivation. I cant wait to hit my next goal. I know someone commented about how food is not a good form of reward, but the food that I eat at that resturant is not bad for me like McDonalds would be or something. I might reconsider my treat for under 240...any ideas?Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-83506038668060478082010-12-10T18:12:00.000-08:002010-12-10T18:15:46.199-08:00Followers!Wow! What an honor!!<br />I never expected to look at my page and see that people followed what i wrote! Sorry for the bad punctuation and all around writing crappy-ness! I use my blog to just pour out everything in my life (relating to weight loss or not), and I dont proof it because I want it to be raw and I dont want to edit myself. So unfortunatly that is what you get. I dont always capitalize every I, and Im not very funny...sorry *blush*<br /><br />I would just like to say thank you for caring enough to read my dribble.Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-85247986040421374942010-12-10T17:55:00.000-08:002010-12-10T18:05:57.421-08:00Dec 10th, Day 7 (112 days left)One week down!! And Im down to 245.9 today!<br />Went out last night and met a very old friend who i havent seen in about 5 years. I was really worried that he would think i was fat and unattractive, but he didnt :) I stayed out too late and didnt get any sleep last night so I ended up sleeping in today till about 3 pm! Needless to say I did not work out today. <br /><br />As it is Friday, I will be going out tonight. Going to stick with my plan of only water and shots to keep the calories down and still be drunk :) It works pretty good for me, and it keeps me hydrated all night!<br /><br />I am attempting to meet other WoW players tonight for drinks. Dont know if I waited too long to start the planning or not, but I hope that i get to meet some of my local gamers tonight.<br /><br />I was totally excited to see the scale fall again this morning, and so much too! Less than 6 pounds to my next goal! Definatly should be there by my birth day next friday!! IF i am under 240 next friday that would be a WONDERFUL birthday present to myself! I havent been that low in more than a year (i thought that when i moved here to california in the summer of 2009 i was 240ish).<br /><br />Dont know if Im going to hold myself to working out tomorrow. Taking three days off in a row isnt a great idea, but if i drink to excess tonight then im not going to stress about it tomorrow. It is the weekend after all and as long as i keep my calories where they should be then a couple of days wont hurt me. I have no fear of falling off the wagon anytime soon (in the next week or so). Hopefully my steam will keep up through December. by then Ill be in the single digets on my countdown and that will be a big motivator!<br /><br />So, in summary: 7 days down and I feel pretty damn good! Self esteem is high (like normal) and I feel strong on my path :)Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-25910260323077876762010-12-09T09:12:00.001-08:002010-12-09T09:12:41.944-08:00Dec 9th, Day 6 (113 days left)Day 6, 113 days to go.<br />A bit discouraged this morning when i got on the scale and saw 249. I mean two days ago i was 248.7, so i just expected to be under that. I am not going to eat or drink anything untill my morning poop to see if i can drop .3 pounds and that would make me feel alot better. I know im crude and over thinking this...but I am working hard and I want to see results!<br /><br />I feel good today, albeit tired. I continue to go to sleep too late every night. Cataclysm and Brandan keep me up too late :) But i like them both too much to turn them down :P<br /><br />I am feeling really lazy today. I really DO NOT want to walk the dogs. Maybe Ill dance today instead. That is an equal work out, right? NOT!! But it is a work out...and that is something.<br /><br />Going to eat red meat today, big meal will be a filet mignon and half a potatoe. My fave!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-40508519496296359022010-12-08T10:38:00.001-08:002010-12-08T10:38:51.685-08:00Dec 8th, Day 5 (114 days left)114 days left!<br />Got up and worked out with Esther today, walked about 1.8 miles. Felt really good. I am up since yesterday...probably water weight. <br /><br />Today I am making chicken tacos with home made tortillas (only having half of one). We are looking forward to our late lunch with gusto, to say the least!<br /><br />I am going to try my hardest to be under 245 before friday. I have no idea if Will is really comming to town this weekend, and really I dont care. I almost wish he would call and cancell, but i dont think that is going to happen. I am really enjoying spending time and effort on myself, and am not looking forward to the akwardness of a first date. Especially one that has so many strings attached (expensive gifts and him flying 3000 miles to see me). <br /><br />Well Im off to get my first water of the day and a DISGUSTING banana for breakfast :) Have a great day!Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-3875053065531539662010-12-07T16:52:00.001-08:002010-12-07T16:52:50.156-08:00Dec 7th, Day 5 (115 days left)115 days left!<br />FIRST GOAL ACHIEVED!! UNDER 250!<br />I am down a total of 18 pounds so far from my highest weight. I feel good, albeit tired because Cataclysm came out last night (if you dont know what it is...google it!). I still have no urge to splurge or cheat....one day at a time :)<br /><br />My roommate and I decided that we are going to walk every day at 9am for 1.5 miles. I am really excited about this. I think that having someone to do it with will keep me accountable and help keep me motivated, since the walking/working out is the hardest part of all this for me.<br /><br />Had cereal this morning for breakfast, I think its good to mix it up...and Im going to save my fruit for this evening. I am also going to eat a cesear salad for lunch and probably chicken tacos for dinner (home made)! My house keeper brought me tortillas from mexico, so im really excited to make tacos with them! MMM will taste wonderful i bet!<br /><br />Well, back to WoW :)Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-83920068470393332112010-12-06T13:16:00.000-08:002010-12-06T13:21:21.821-08:00Dec 6th, Day 4 (116 days left!)116 days to go!<br />Well today I got on the scale...250 pounds!! That means I have oficially lost 3 pounds! And I am excited for tomorrow because that means that I will be under 250, a feat that I have not had the pleasure of accomplishing in over a year! Last summer I was around 230. Hopefully by January I will be in the 230's and on my way to a smaller me!<br /><br />I went to the bar last night, I spent $5 on bottled water. I am glad that I can go and have fun and not drink...though it wasnt as much fun :P <br /><br />Last night, by 11:30 I had only had about 460 calories, and I was shaking and felt hyped up. I need to make sure that doesnt happen again. As soon as I got home I ate a slice of whole wheat bread and honey and felt fine. So, there it is I need to be aware of my body and make sure I am giving it what it needs. I am so excited to be on this journey, and I hope i can keep pace through the days ahead and not lose focus. I know how I am with projects...at first they are exciting and I am really into them, but after a while i lose focus and my interest dwindles. I dont want my interest to dwindle, i want to be healthier, sexier, and happier in my own body!!<br /><br />I have decided that when i reach 60 days, I am going to reward myself with tanning sessions! How wonderful would that be! Im sure I will have saved that much on alcohol alone (since Im only drinking one night a week now), and I really want to feel like I deserve to have something like that! Lets see...how much weight should I loose in 60 days?? Well its half way through my time goal, so lets say 25 pounds, half way through my weight goal. So, after 60 days and 25 pounds I will reward myself with tanning sessions!<br /><br />BTW, just wanted to add here...its so much easier to POOP now that I am eating healthier and drinking that bio stuff with the natural biotics in it :)Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-74895960544036434282010-12-05T11:20:00.000-08:002010-12-05T12:49:44.659-08:00Dec 5th, Day 3 (117 days to go)<div>117 days left, why did i gain a pound??<br />So, between yesterday and today I actually gained a pound! I dont understand, the night before last i was drinking shots like it was nobody's business and they are full of calories and sugar. I expected the scale to go up yesterday. But yesterday I stuck to it, ate less than 700 cal, took the dogs for a walk...and today Im UP?!?!?!?!<br /><br />Oh well, we will see what happens tomorrow. I started adding a multivitamin into my routine today. I want to make sure that I am getting everything I need, who knows it might help me burn fat if i have the vitamins that i need to make my body work more effeciently.<br /><br />I also got a petometer and will use that on walks from now on. I just wish there wernt so many dogs in my neighborhood!! Oh well, Ill just have to start walking my dogs one at a time for more control.<br /><br />I have no urge to cheat or eat stuff i shouldnt. I have no urge to drink. I dread walking the dogs or working out, but if i actually get off my butt and do it, i enjoy it. Last night i was NOT ready to go in with the dogs, but it was dark, we have dogs everywhere around my neighborhood and people were waiting on me to get home.<br /><br />Today I am going to set aside an hour between 2 and 3 to walk all the dogs seperatly. Ill take foxy first and daisy last, that way I can be sure foxy gets exorcise and if i feel up to it ill run with daisy. (dont want to run with her first and then not want to walk the other dogs when im done).<br /><br />Ok, those are all my thoughts for this morning. Might check back in later.<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />Well just took a big poop...lol...and weighed myself again. I am still 1/10th of a pound heaver than yesterday, but that is ok. A whole pound was worrisome! This might just be a fluctuation of water or what ever, im ok with that!<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />Well I ate a banana for breakfast! I hate bananas! I like the taste, but the texture makes me want to gag! So lately I have been getting really bad charlie horses in my calves while i sleep, so I decided that along with vitamins i would start eating bananas a couple days a week (for the potassium). Hopefully it will help!<br /><br />Anyway, back to the banana! I was *trying* to peel it...ummm...monkeys can peel bananas, but aparently they are smarter than me and it took much more effort than it should have. So FINALLY I get it open and the top inch was mushy (like more mushy than normal), and it was a total EWWW factor for me. It looked like...ummm...well in my attempts to keep this PG - it looked like a woman's downstairs part!!<br /><br />Here, Ill show you: </div><div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547302703246599570" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV3GnKB0To5jY95Jdw9YroFIT4WXXnngSBjzcw3QRQhJtkWWRrOOz-h3KuRVmn4-MqjFzuH47UFvndH4FY1z0CyB1Q-K7KiBcn2sXBhKOw7ekC9xRGgSRGAT7CecdqLLC1OdvQiEoQDuQI/s320/IMG_0459.jpg" /></div>Kupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1882385244821827410.post-36671560403610203572010-12-04T10:59:00.001-08:002010-12-04T11:00:01.725-08:00Dec 2nd, Day 2 (118 days to go!)Morning~<br />HUNG OVER!!Drank way too much last night, uggghhh. I did good and didnt spend a lot of money though :)<br /><br />I drank my bio stuff and had a small grapefruit, boy was i suprised to find that grapefruit has so little calories!! I am planning to have a snack at 11:30 of half a slice of bread and honey (about 60 cal) trying to keep my calories comming in at a regular rate. Then at lunch I'm going to have my big meal of steak and potatoes (around 2:30) and then for dinner ill have something small, like a turkey sandwich or something. I have good snacks in the house, some granola bars and cheese and fudgecicles, so we will see what happens. I can always make another trip to the store if i want something else.<br /><br />I HAVE to go to the bank today and go pay rent...ugh i dont want to leave the house! I didnt walk the dogs this morning because i was woozy from all the booze, maybe tonight. I am also thinking about taking esthers Wii for a spin :) for some much needed exorcise....but that will come later when im not in glasses and I feel better.<br /><br />I need to watch my water intake...i barely got enough water in yesterday, and that was cause i was drinking bottles while i was at the bar. Need to make sure i am drinking it all day at home too. Usually not a problem, but just need to be viligant now that my calories are much less, last thing i need to be is dehydrated!<br /><br />Breakfast total: 64 calKupcakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09171402524478959125noreply@blogger.com0